Yes, another writing update.
Things aren’t progressing like I wanted. I’m starting to realize that I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself to reach a self-imposed deadline. Deadlines are great, and if that works for you then yay for you, but I have accepted the fact that deadlines aren’t a priority for me.
Since having all my health issues through these last ten years, my body and how I do things have changed, especially when it comes to my head. My brain went through a massive trauma. When someone cracks open your skull and scrapes out a mass from your brain, things work different. On top of that, I had radiation frying my brain for two months straight. I can’t concentrate for long periods of time. Throughout the day, I have to rest not only my body but my mind as well. When I was doing a few classes during radiation, I really noticed how different everything was. It would take me so much longer to complete simple tasks, things I would have raced through just a couple of years ago.
Fibromyalgia doesn’t help. People laugh when you mention “fibro fog,” but it’s the real deal. Short-term memory is completely shot. It literally just happened to me right now: I picked up my phone with the intention of doing something specific, but right when I unlocked my screen, the thing I needed to do flew out of my head to the places where all forgotten tasks live. Maybe I’ll remember it in a few minutes. Maybe I’ll remember all about it in a few minutes, a few days, or its gone forever.
I need to stop beating myself up about not writing every second of every day. For it taking me much longer than the average person. I see these novelists who can producing three books in a two-year period. I have to stop comparing myself to people way more accomplished. So I’m just going to let it all go. Not going to finish this novel by the end of the year. But that means I’ll get to take my time to really have it polished. If you’re not feeling it you can’t force yourself to write. It’s okay to go a few days without writing. Sometimes you just don’t feel inspired, or you have to manage other kinds of work or do errands. That are a bunch of reason, the important thing is to not punish yourself for choosing something else over writing. It’s not going away. That book or journal or assignment will be there when you get back.